One last time with Feeling
by xoxAmyxox
Summary: When Rose is in a horrific accident, Jackie vows the doctor never to see her daughter again. The doctor delves into depression waiting for Jackie to change her mind, is he wasting his time? PLEASE REVEIW!


One Last Time with Feeling

_**Notes: **Sorry folks but this is quite a long one, only because I haven't yet worked out how to insert chapters, if anyone could email me to explain how that would be great, but is One last time with feeling, Not that I'm biased but I think this is sad so get your hankies at the ready! Enjoy_.

He sat alone, blank and motionless, clasping his cold empty hands which enjoyed Roses comfort. The only thing he could see was Rose being hit, again, and again, and again. Then hitting the ground again, and again, and again. It was ironic, of all the danger they faced she had to be hit by a car, but by the looks of things, there would be no more dangers now, just eternal sleep. He remembered stopping dead as time slowed and it took hours for the impact of the car to strike Roses small body, then further hours more for her to hit the ground, with a stomach turning thud.

His wide eyes focused darkly at the red roses which were submerged in a glass vase of water in the hospital waiting room. It was so bad, even the TARDIS couldn't help her, because he wasn't family, he was banished to the waiting room where the clock got slower and slower, and Jackie hadn't even seen him yet, or come to kill him. He didn't care, he felt so guilty he might as well be dead.

They'd argued, she'd shouted at him and he'd shouted back, hindsight was a wonderful thing but the events that followed were intensely cruel. A dark hasty cloud swept over as Jackie Tyler rampaged into the room of silence and waiting.

'What the hell have you done, what did you do to my baby!' She screamed, He stood up as she raced towards him hitting him violently but he just stood there and accepted her attack without defence. This broke the barrier as his tears began to fall- which for the doctor was very, very unusual. He tried to speak but he was so shocked he couldn't form words.

'You'd better explain' she roared as hit sat back down, his arms numb. If only she could reach inside his head and see, but she couldn't and he had to explain what he was seeing every second in his head. He so badly wanted to go back and change things, but it would mean having to watch it happen for real all over again. 'When we first met, I asked her to come with me, she said no' he paused not looking at Jackie once 'I went to see how she got on without me and I saw her get hurt so I came back, I thought I could avoid it, but it happened anyway'

Jackie fell silent.

'We'd argued. She ran out, I stayed for a bit, if I'd gone to her straight away this wouldn't have happened. I left to go after her, I couldn't see her I was about 100 meters away and I still saw the tears down her face, she stopped, but a car didn't, her scream, I cant stop hearing it, I cant get the look on her face as she hit the ground out of my head, it's all in here' He pointed to his head, still avoiding Jackie's prying eyes. 'I went over to her, she was pale, she wasn't even bleeding, I stroked her face but she was cold, but she was talking, she spoke to me until the ambulance arrived, I cried, I kept telling her I was sorry, she tried to wipe my tears but she was too weak, I held her hand but she let go, she tried to say something but she stopped before I could work it out…it's all my fault, I hate myself. Please, Jackie, I'm begging you, please, please let me see her. Just to know she's ok'

'She's not ok, and that's down to you, I asked you if she was safe and you never answered me'

'But she was here, in London, when it happened, not in time and space, I wasn't even there. Yet I still blame myself, I just need to see her, please, Jackie'

'No' Jackie stared at him, 'You are never, ever to see my Rose again, do you understand, you take that blue box and you know what, for all I care, you can die in misery, my Rose is dying because of you, now get out'

He rose from his seat and left Jackie alone, she recalled seeing her daughter being wheeled in, the whole time, she was screaming for the doctor, the one person she wanted there her mother sent him away for ever. He closed the door and burst into tears and slid down the wall, he didn't care who saw him but he was a broken man. He sobbed loudly.

Suddenly he was approached by a young girl; he heard someone come towards him but didn't look up. 'Here you go mister' She said politely, he looked up at the girl who was handing him a tissue, he took and she offered him a hand to get up.

'I wouldn't stay there for too long, your back will kill you' she said, 'I'm sorry but who are you?' The doctor asked.

'Oh, I was going, I just wanted to know if you were alright, not many people breakdown in the middle of everyone', 'my name is Julia' 'What's yours?'

'The doctor'

'Oh, do you work here…my dad does?'

'No, I'm a scientist sort of doctor'

'Cool, do you want a coffee?' She said 'I have a bit of money left over' she walked over to the coffee machine and he followed her. 'What's your loss?' She said focusing on the machine 'My friend was in a car accident'

'Something must be in the water then'

'I beg your pardon?' The doctor stumbled over his words

'My mum died in a car crash'

'So why are you here now?'

'My dad works here in the department, so I get stuck with him on weekends, hardly see him though, he sees so many people but never has time for me, not since mum died, but it was a long time ago but I suppose I'm used to it, I just sit around here all day' she took a cup out of the machine and handed it to the doctor.

'I'm sorry' he said swirling the contents in his cup

'For what? You haven't insulted me yet, the only way you could do that is by telling me I'm rubbish at playing the piano….god, this stuff is disgusting, it's like toilet water!' She noticed his face fall; she took both cup and binned them, 'Do you want to talk?' she pointed to the chairs beside the coffee machine and they sat.

'I've done something terrible, no it's what I haven't done that's terrible' he stuttered on his words. Julia listened to him intently; she knew this man had things on his mind which were crushing him.

'What?' She asked, 'I love her and I never told her and now this has happened' He buried his face in his hands, Julia sighed, when she saw tears down his face she began to feel uncomfortable about what to do next, this was a vulnerable point and whatever she said could be equally damaging if she wasn't careful.

'Well you still can, when you see next' she said trying to look at him but he turned away, as if he was ashamed. 'I wont…it was all my fault, and her mother won't let me see her anymore' the word mother put into prospective for Julia sparked in her head,

'Hang on a sec, I've been here for hours and I've got into habits of listening into the traumas that come in, was her name Rose Tyler?'

'Yes, how did you…'

'My dad's treating her, She was scary, she came through those doors screaming her head off, her mother was equally scary saying what a useless man he was…I think she meant you. She was trying to calm her but Rose kept hitting her, just kept screaming; The doctor, I want my doctor, I want him now, the doctors didn't understand and though she meant them but she didn't, she just said, I want to see him, I need to tell him, then they took her away and I don't know what happened after that' she sighed

'Where did they take her?' for the first time his head snapped up and looked at her, desperation written all over his face.

'She was calling for you, and by the sounds of it, she wanted you more than anyone else, maybe she wanted to say she loved you too, like you love her?'

'Take me' he said suddenly. 'Where?' she replied confused, 'You said you saw them take her away, where did they take her' Julia shook her head, her dad had always told her not to get involved and now she understood why.

'I don't know, maybe intensive care, I shouldn't have said anything' She said turning away to see if anyone had heard their conversation. 'That's where we're going' Julia looked at him, 'We? I'm only helping you doctor…besides, I'm not allowed, and neither are you' she felt guilty and really wanted to help him

'Please Julia, the last time I saw her, she was as good as dead, if I don't see her again, that will be all I see for the rest of my life' He was breaking down and starting to cause a scene, she stood up and walked over to the waiting room, she peered inside. 'Is that her Mum?' She turned and asked, the doctor nodded. She broadly paced up to him 'Listen closely, ITU is on the 3rd floor, turn right at the top of the stairs the take the first on your left it will be straight ahead of you' She whispered, the doctor broke into his insane grin which startled Julia as she has never seen him smile until now. 'Thank you, thank you so much'

He began to walk away and Julia called after him 'You'll need to have an ID, only relatives can go in there ok?' She smiled and walked away, she loved helping people.

He ran, Julia's directions the first thing in his head after Roses accident. '3rd floor, first right, first left straight ahead' He whispered. When he approached the double doors, he felt afraid, even from the doors he could hear bleeping machines, the smell of disinfectant hung in the air. He stood there for a minute or two without realising before a nurse passed through and held the door for him. 'Can I help you sir?' She asked, 'I'm looking for Rose Tyler' he said hoarsely.

'Oh yes, are you her…husband?' The nurse asked, he knew it would be standard procedure because Julia had told him, He couldn't say he was her husband because not by choice he would not be sticking around for much longer. 'Er, no…boyfriend' He said, observing the fact the nurse looked embarrassed having got it wrong. 'Ok, if you'd like to follow me please' She said as she closed the door he'd just walked through. 'Thank you, thank you so much' he said picking up pace as he followed the nurse.

'My pleasure, though I should warn you, it might come as a bit of a shock' she said seriously as the entered the Room. The doctor froze, as he drew closer to Roses bed, he saw tubes and machines all over and around her. He saw her chest rise slowly and steadily but not from her own self. 'The machine is breathing for her at the moment' the nurse explained 'Will she wake up soon?' He asked, his eyes not once leaving Roses peaceful face. 'We're not sure, but we're very hopeful' she tried to be optimistic, even she wasn't sure of the outcome. He sat on the end of her bed 'Can she hear me?' He asked, stroking her face. 'Talking might help, yes, er, I'll leave you alone for a bit, I'll just be outside if you need anything' the nurse turned swiftly on her heels and left silently, the only sound in the room was the monitors bleeping.

'Excuse me, are you Mrs Tyler? Julia, peered through the door after knocking gently, Jackie looked up at her, 'Jackie Tyler yes, who are you?' She asked. 'I've been talking to the doctor', she said nervously. 'Oh yeah?' Jackie replied 'He told me you'd both spoken,' Julia began hesitantly. 'He hardly said a word' Julia came forward and sat next to Jackie looking at her, 'Doesn't that tell you something?' she asked, 'It's a guilty conscience' Jackie said bluntly, 'Yeah, but did he tell you what happened?'

'He did. What have you got to do with it?' Jackie snapped 'I listened to him, do you realise how this has affected him?' Julia said, 'All he does is hurt her' Jackie began Julia interrupted her 'Don't you think he knows that? It's killing him. I know your Roses Mum but your not the only one who loves her, when you told him not to see her again do you know why he just went?' Jackie shook her head 'No,' Julia raised her eyebrows, 'Because he knows he hurts her, and he loves her enough to leave her even though it's torn him to pieces. He's walked because he loves her so much to give her a safer life…without him. Doesn't that tell you something?' Jackie remained silent.

'Why wouldn't he just tell me himself?' Jackie asked suddenly, 'He watched it happen; believe it or not he's medically unstable because he's in shock, that's a condition. He can't form words because every time he speaks he remembers what happened. He's gonna have to live with this for the rest of his life whether or not he leaves Rose behind, if he does, the only memory he'll have is seeing Rose lying stone cold on the ground with a slight trickle of blood down her nose, I heard her call for him, Mrs Tyler. What are you gonna tell her when she wakes up? The one person she wanted you have sent away for good. This whole situation is bad enough but saying he can never see the one he loves again is just awful. I know you only have your daughter's interest at heart but doesn't she have a right, does she have a say?' Silence fell for a long time.

'She might not be so lucky' Jackie said, 'If you look close enough at him, you'll understand what I'm talking about. When she wakes, what will you do to mend her broken heart?-no doctor or medicine can fix that apart from himself, her doctor. I have to go now….aren't you even going to sit with her?'

'I cant bear to see her like that' Julia got up and went to leave but she paused and looked round at Jackie 'Please don't burden that man with such a cruel punishment' Jackie turned round to face her 'I don't have a choice' Julia sighed and shook her head 'We all have choices Jackie, and we all have our regrets too' Jackie stood up, 'I thought you were going' Julia turned round again 'I am'

The doctor sat there, visions of her smile, her tears. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bracelet, it was his mothers, she'd given it to him before the time war and he'd kept it ever since. He fastened it to her wrist and kissed her.

'I love you, Rose. I love you so much but I can't do this to you again, your mum's right, your better off without me. I do love you Rose, I will always Love you'

He got up from the bed and left, he passed Julia on the way out of the Intensive Care Unit. 'Hey, I was looking for you, where are you going?' She said noticing his direction 'Away from here' He replied bluntly 'But you can't…I spoke to Jackie, I think she might change her mind' the doctor picked up speed to get away from her. 'I know Jackie, once her minds made up, it's up' He continued to walk away but she ran to catch up with him 'Wait, you just cant…go' She grabbed his arm but he pulled free 'The sooner I get away from here, the sooner she'll get over me'

When they reached the car park outside, Julia followed him to the TARDIS, He reached for his key and revealed two, and he promptly threw one into the bush near the TARDIS. 'What are you doing in a blue box?' She asked, confused 'Don't mention me, ok' He looked away 'Where are you gonna go in there?' She pointed, trying to look inside but the doctor blocked her view. 'I don't care, anywhere' She stepped away with her hands on her hips 'You know this is a mistake' he rubbed his eyes 'It was a mistake falling in Love with her' He closed the door of the TARDIS and within seconds it began to dematerialise.

'No, wait, come back!' She shouted as she banged on the doors which faded away quickly, but he'd gone. She went to go back inside but saw the key in the bush and picked it up, holding a tight gripe on it. 'Hey, you girl!' She heard Jackie screech, 'What is it now?' she sighed looking at the spot where the TARDIS was a few moments ago. 'My Rose, she's gonna be ok, she alright!' Julia looked at her as her heart dropped into her shoes 'Where's the doctor, I've changed my mind she's calling for him'

Julia frowned its too late, Jackie, I told you we all had choices, and we all have regrets, it's too late now, he's gone, and you persuaded him never to come back'

She started to walk away 'its terminal you know' She stared into space 'what is?' Jackie answered 'A broken heart…and you've just broken two lives and you didn't even think' She continued her path back to the hospital 'He might come back' Julia stopped but didn't turn round 'some people will do anything for love…it's too late'

_Please review, should there be a sequel? If so should the doctor return and what about Julia, baring in mind she had the TARDIS key, please let me know_


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